It is indeed a pleasure to me to write when I need no longer measure, not my words, but my feelings…
Since I made myself yours, I have had a happiness, deep as it promises to be durable – not a moment of doubt.
Nothing but gratitude for all this – so unexpected, and which from some strange principle in human nature or in mine, I have sought to avert, and to bring despair on myself as well as you.
Had I known that you suffered, the baseless fabric would sooner have fallen…
I have been very foolish, and if you had not been wiser, we might both still have been without hope.
No, I remember too well what I last felt in your presence, under that coldness – my only resource and at the same time my vexation.
What I may seem to feel when we meet again I cannot guess – I could shrink from it too, yet let it be as soon as possible.
Seaham Hall (September 22 1814)
The Life and Letters of Anne Isabella Lady Noel Byron Ethel Colburn Mayne (London: Constable & Co Ltd 1929)